


Everybody Knows

by RevisionaryHistory



Series: The Care and Feeding of Nathan [20]
Category: Nathan Sykes (Musician), The Wanted (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:15:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6468052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevisionaryHistory/pseuds/RevisionaryHistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan makes a rash decision that even he doesn't understand the repercussions of</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

~*~Nathan~*~

Wake up. I needed her to wake up. I didn’t want to wake her up, but I needed her to wake up. I’ll take a shower. I’ll be loud about it. Please, let her wake up.

I came out of the bathroom fully dressed. She was awake, sitting up in bed, wearing my t-shirt. “Hey, you’re awake.”

“Had to see you off.”

I threw my shower stuff into my suitcase and zipped it up before sitting on the edge of the bed. She hugged me before I could say anything.

“I’ll miss you.”

I pushed her away, “About that.” Deep breath. “I can’t do this anymore.”

She looked confused, “What? Saying goodbye?”

I shook my head, “This. Us. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much with the fans and the press. Us always saying goodbye and missing you.” She was just staring at me. “I need it to be about the music. That’s what I always wanted and now it seems like it’s rarely about the music. It’s not that I don’t love you. I do, but I want to focus on the music. I’m sorry.”

I grabbed my bag on the way out of the room and fought the urge to run down the hall to the elevator. Running away from what I’d just done. My hand was visibly shaking as I hit the button. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. An asthma attack would be perfect now. I needed more distance. Thank fuck the doors opened. Max and Jay were on. I jumped on and hit the lobby button again, “Long flight ahead.”

Jay nodded, “I can’t wait to get home and see my mom.”

Max smiled, “Me either. Messy weekend planned with me friends.”

We cut up the rest of the way down and immediately into the van. No one knew we were leaving today, so we’d be safe. There’d be fans waiting in London, but our getaway was clean. I needed that too. I needed to keep moving. If I kept moving I wouldn’t think. No, that’s wrong. I’d done all the thinking. If I kept moving I wouldn’t feel. I didn’t want to feel. Ever.

Nano briefed us in the van regarding our next few days. We’d get to London early tomorrow and have the day off. Radio first thing the next morning, meetings, then M & G before the gig. Full day. Then we had a week off at home, well what I’d go back to calling home, before rehearsals for our first ever world tour started. Once that got going and I got myself settled in focusing on work it would be alright. I would be alright.

I was sat next to Max on the plane. Definitely could have been worse. He was hung over and sleepy. He’d brought home a girl for his last night in LA and hadn’t been to sleep yet. This made him the perfect seat mate. I hadn’t slept all night either. Unfortunately, I didn’t expect to sleep on the flight either. I didn't particularly like to fly. Take offs and landings were the worst. I couldn’t delude myself into thinking that planes really can fly when I was hurdling toward the ground depending on three tires to stop us, or when my body was being pushed into a seat as we try to reach a speed to get us in the air. No one could convince me that this should work. That anxiety combined with breaking up with my girlfriend caused a full on panic attack, which lead to an asthma attack. 

Max was calm, “Where’s your inhaler?”

I rarely needed it, but I dif now, “Outside pocket of my back pack.” He ignored the seat belt sign and stood up to get it from the overhead. I inhaled deeply and immediately felt better, “Thanks, Max.”

“No problem.” He knew I hated how I feel when this happens. Vulnerable. This was made worse by being trapped on a plane where I can’t help myself. I felt the tears run down my cheeks. Not sure of their cause. Max pulled me in and kissed my head, “It’s alright, Nath.”

But it’s not. Oh god, what the fuck did I do? I needed to roll back the last few hours and start again. I needed to fix this. I’d be on this damn plane for over twelve hours and it would be set in stone by then. What a colossal mistake. What on earth was I thinking? I started talking to myself: Ok, Nathan, stop. You’re freaking out. You knew that would happen. This wasn’t a rash decision. You thought about. A lot. It’s going to hurt and be hard for a bit. Just stick with the plan. You timed this so you have a week to get on with it before the tour. 

Somehow I don’t think that’s going to be enough time.

When the plane landed I switched my phone back on. I expected to find texts from Kristin, but found nothing. That broke my heart. 

@NathanTheWanted: Single again. 

Work time. I put on my smile and greeted the fans that were at the airport at six am. Someone handed me a cup of tea and I hugged her, “You’re my favorite today. Thank you so much.”

“How are you? We just saw your tweet. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be alright. Thank you. These things happen. Enough about that. Excited for the tour?”

This replayed itself a few times as we collected our luggage. I was entertaining a group of five who drove three hours this morning to see us when Jay screamed, “What?” All of us looked at him. He was looking at someone’s phone. Then he looked at me, “Single again?”

I shrugged, “Can we talk about this later?”

Max had pulled Jay’s hand over to look at the phone, “What?” He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the exit, “Love you all, see you tomorrow night at the gig.”

Jay added, “Or in twenty minutes at the hotel.”

We loaded into the van and Max started, “You’ve been sat next to me for twelve hours and the opportunity never came up to say “oh, by the way, I broke up with my girlfriend.” When did this happen?”

“This morning right before we left.”

Siva put his hand on my arm, “You a’right? She get scared again.”

I shook my head, “Wasn’t her. I ended it.”

Four faces looked at me, “Why?”

“I want to focus on our music.”

Siva cocked his head like a confused dog, “And you couldn’t do that with Kristin?”

“No. It’s different with you and Nareesha. You’ve been together forever. I know during the show you got lots of hate and drama but it’s never ending with Kristin.” I looked at the others, “And it’s not just the fans. All the press, all the interviewers, want to know about the relationship shit. Do you miss her, how do you make long distance work, are you tempted? It’s always there. That’s not what I got into this for. I want to be asked about the music not my sex life. We’ve got the tour coming up and need to work on the new album.”

“And what did she say?”

“Nothing.” They were staring at me. “There’s nothing to discuss. I don’t want a relationship anymore.”

Jay laughed, but not in a happy way, “You’re a dick.”

That pissed me off, “Hey, Tom broke up with Kelsey so he could fuck around. What’s wrong with me breaking up with Kristin so I can focus on work?”

Tom didn’t say anything. Max did, “They discussed it and he was a dick too.”

Siva still looked confused, “I’m not understanding. What happened?”

I ran my hands through my hair and pulled, “Nothing. Everything. In the last year I’ve had possibly career ending surgery. Our CD didn’t do nearly as good as expected. The fans hate us. The fans love us. The fans think we hate them. My mother hates Kristin. My mother loves Kristin. Kristin gets pregnant and looses the baby. We’re about to start our world tour. We’ve got to get out another album. I feel pulled in a thousand different ways. I feel like I’m drowning. I joined this group because I wanted to make music. I didn’t do this for fans or parties or girlfriends. I need to back up and get back to what I want. I want to make music.” They were silent. “You don’t have to agree. You don’t even really have to understand. But could you just back the fuck off because even though this is what I want it’s fucking killing me.” I wiped at my eyes but the tears wouldn’t stop. 

“Come here, you idiot.” Max pulled me into him and the others were there too. 

“Dammit! I did not want to cry.” I guess that was unrealistic.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~Kristin~*~

Wow, he’s being noisy. Glad I woke up though. Sleepy goodbyes aren’t nearly as good as awake ones. As far as goodbyes go anyway. I’d see him in about two weeks for the first date of their world tour. Lindsey and I were flying over for Cologne. She had to leave that next day, but I was going to Paris. I’d never been to Paris and even though it’d be rushed I’d get to be in Paris with Nathan. We had plans to wander off after their gig and see the sights by night. Romantic. This morning isn’t. I grabbed his t-shirt and slipped that on, flipping through my phone while he showered. 

He came out fully dressed and threw the last of his stuff in the suitcase before sitting on the bed. I hugged him tight, “I’ll miss you.”

Nathan pushed me away, “About that.” He stopped for a second, taking a breath like he was working up to something. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What? Saying goodbye?” What was he talking about?

“This. Us. I can’t do this anymore.” That’s when I started to lose the thread. He said something about fans and press and missing me. I picked back up when he said, “It’s not that I don’t love you. I do, but I want to focus on the music. I’m sorry.”

Before I could even finish processing what he’d said he stood up and walked out of the door. 

I don’t know how long I sat there with my mouth hanging open and my eyebrows pulled down. This wasn’t making any sense at all. We’d gone out to dinner last night, came back and made love, then curled up talking before we fell asleep. Then “I love you. I can’t do this anymore” and he leaves the country. 

Now, I’m pissed. First order of business: Breakfast. Something extravagant. Room’s in his name after all. For the next half hour I showered and packed while cursing and talking out loud: I can not fucking believe this. That complete bastard has dumped me in Los Angeles. I love you, I can’t do this. A couple hours earlier when he was balls deep inside me it seemed like he could do it. He just climbs out of bed, ends it, and goes back to London without me getting to say a word. 

I started at least a dozen text messages and deleted them. No matter how they started they ended up with “fuck you, asshole” and I knew that wasn’t right. I was just starting one with “Don’t do this” when breakfast was delivered. I sat to eat and threw my phone on the bed to get it away from me. 

It landed next to his t-shirt. 

The one he’d worn last night. 

That I’d worn this morning when he left me.

I ran for the bathroom and the few bites of my “revenge breakfast” came back up. I started to yell for him to get me a washcloth, but it hit me that he wasn’t there. And wouldn’t be ever again. I don’t know what I threw up then, but when I was done I couldn’t feel my arms or legs. Everything was numb. Using the tub, I got up and into the other room. I fell onto the bed and hugged a pillow against me. I smelled him. I smelled me. I smelled us. Feeling came back with a rush and lay there crying until it was time to go home.

I was back to pissed when I got in the cab. I hoped I could keep that. Pissed was so much easier to manage than the crying stuff. Once I got checked in, I got a huge diet coke to take my pre-flight Xanex with, and settled in at the gate. Five hour flight then I’d be home. Dammit, there was shit of his at my flat. Apartment. It was an apartment again. Great! Now I get to figure out how to get rid of that and the fucking piano he bought while he was recovering from his throat surgery. I pulled out my phone and called Lindsey. I didn’t know why or what or anything, but I wanted to talk to her. Voicemail. “Hey, I’m on my way home. Nathan broke up with me this morning. Said he loved me, but couldn’t do this anymore. I’ll call you when I get home.”

On the plane I put in my earbuds and jumped from song to song. I skipped anything that even vaguely reminded me of him or was sad. I needed to get home. Angry music was needed to get me home. Still, I lost it a few times when I thought of his eyes, or his laugh, or the way his kisses made me shiver. The closer I got to home the harder it got. The plane and the cab ride was like suspended animation and home was were I went back to real life. Only now, real life didn’t include him. I didn’t know how to do that and I didn’t want to. Which made me mad again.

“Drink this and then tell me what the fuck is going on.” Lindsey was standing in my apartment with a shot of Fireball. I took it from her and downed it. “This one too.” As soon as that was done she hugged me, “You look like shit. How are you?”

I walked to the couch shaking my head, “I don’t know if I’m more mad or sad. I keep going back and forth.” I told her the story, which in reality took about two minutes.

Her mouth was hanging open. I appreciated that. “So . .. he fucked you, got out of bed, broke up with you, and left the country.”

I nodded, “Basically. He’s said nothing about this. I mean, of course, we’ve talked about the pressure and fans and stuff, but never that he was thinking of leaving me.” I looked at her when I felt the tears coming, “I thought I made all that better.” I fell into her arms and let the tears go again. She held me and rocked me and let me cry. We’d done this before. “This feels worse than Jason. I knew things were wrong. I knew he’d cheated and we had problems. Nath and I didn’t have problems. We had distance, but we made the best of that. All that other stuff wasn’t about us. He never said anything. Who says I love you, everything is great, but I’m ending this?”

“An idiot.” She was crying with me. “He’s an idiot, Kristin. I don’t even know what to say.”

I sat up and wiped at my face, “I mean I understand wanting to strip things away to focus on the music and wanting things to be simple . . .”

Lindsey interrupted me, “Don’t do it! Don’t you dare make excuses for him and make this ok. You don’t do what he did.”

“I know.” I nodded, “Why didn’t he talk to me about this? Why didn’t he give us a chance to figure a way out? He didn’t give us a chance. That’s the worst part, we got through his surgery together and the miscarriage together and this he doesn’t talk to me about.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach, “Shit.” I jumped up and ran for the bathroom. Again. This time Lindsey was there to hold my hair and hand me a washcloth. “I started to text him a dozen times, but stopped. Do I beg him to not do this, do I yell and call him names, do I tell him I understand but he’s wrong?”

She tucked my hair behind my hear, “What do you want, sweetie?”

“I want it to be twenty four hours ago where we were happy and in love and I wanted to keep him forever.”

“Besides that.” She smiled sadly.

“I don’t know.” I wiped the tears. Again. “I love him. It feels like someone has shoved their hand in my stomach and is ripping out my insides. I’m . . . confused. He planned this where he could say what he wanted and leave. I can’t even explain how horrible that feels. Never in my wildest imagination, even now, can I wrap my head around him being so . . .”

“Mean. The word you looking for is mean. Or cowardly. And mean. This was a hit and run.”

“He didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He left so he didn’t have to hear what I had to say.”

“And that’s shitty. That’s a shitty thing to do to someone you love. I am so fucking mad at him.”

We were quiet for a few minutes while I processed. When I started talking I felt incredibly sad. “Yesterday I couldn’t imagine not fighting for us. Today I don’t know what I’d be fighting for. Who is he? The angry part of me doesn’t want to let him off that easy and wants to bitch at him. The part of me that kind of understands wants to tell him that. But I don’t know this person and don’t know how he’d react to either and I don’t think I want to find out.”

Lindsey put her hands on mine, “Stop thinking about him. What do you need to do . . . for you.”

I took a breath, “Nothing.” I turned to meet her eyes, “I won’t beg him to talk to me. He didn’t want to hear from me earlier. If he changes his mind he can ask.” I reached for my best friend as the tears came again. I held on as I talked, “I reserve the right to change my mind if I figure out if I’m more hurt, sad, scared, or pissed off.”

“You can always text tomorrow, but for tonight he did this.”

“And he has to fix it.”


	3. Chapter 3

~*~Nathan~*~

That night they took me out and got me drunk. Obliterated. Carried me back to the hotel. I finally slept.

I sat in the corner at the radio station the next morning. I felt like hammered shit. It didn’t take long for the question to come, “Nathan, is it true you’re single again?”

“Yeah.”

“It always seemed like you two were doing great. What happened?”

“Ah, I don’t want to go into details. Relationships end. I want to focus on the music.”

“I hear ya, mate. Head down and back to work. There’s other fish in the sea.”

I chuckled, “No fishing for me for a while.” 

The gig that night was horrible. Absolutely horrible. There are songs I get emotional for, but this was bloody ridiculous. Sometimes it was a word or a movement that reminded me of her. Everything reminded me of her. I had to leave the stage after my solo in “I Found You”. The words hadn’t resonated with me before, but now I knew what it felt like to feel lost. 

I checked my phone as soon as we got to the dressing room. Max sat down beside me, “She text you?” Jay sat on the other side. 

I shook my head, “No. I don’t know what I was expecting. Something. It’s like she doesn’t even care, that she’s alright with this.” I saw them exchange a glance. “What?”

Max let out a sigh, “Nath, mate, you don’t get to have it both ways.” He looked at Jay like he didn’t know what to say.

“You can’t break up with her, leave the country, and then get your feelings hurt because you haven’t heard from her.” He rolled his eyes, “Well, obviously you can, but it’s ridiculous.”

Max took over, “I’ve thought about it and I do understand what you’re getting at, why you ended it, but fuck, mate, you could have handled this so much better.”

“Trust me, you don’t want her to text you. She’s pissed at you.”

I look between them, “At least I’d know I mattered.”

~*~*~*~

I told my family and friends back in Gloucester that I didn’t want to talk about it. Thankfully they respected that. Mom wanted me to stay at her house, but I wanted to go home. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest when I walked through the front door. This was really where we as a couple started. I took my bags up to my room and sat on the unmade bed. My t-shirt that she’d slept in last was on the pillow. I picked it up and held it to my nose. It smelled like her. And me. It smelled like us. 

I sat there on my bed, that only she’d ever been in, and cried into that t-shirt until my nose was so stopped up that I couldn’t smell us anymore. Then I laid down and cried some more. I knew in my head that I’d made the right decision. I knew in my head that it would take time for me to feel better, to feel like me again. I was confident that focusing on the music without all the distractions was what I needed. Unfortunately, my heart wasn’t convinced. It missed Kristin. It felt empty and shattered and struggled to keep beating. 

Everyday got a little better. I hung out with my family and spent time with my friends. It got easier to breathe. I was having fun and making new memories without her. That’s what I needed. I needed stories and memories that didn’t have her in them. Touring would do that. 

By the time I went back to London I felt much more like myself. I dove into rehearsals. Fans staked out our hotel and the rehearsal studio. I visited with them every chance I got. We filled up radio interviews with secrets about the stage show, our uncoordinated dance moves, and the ever changing set list. This was what I’d wanted and it felt good. Right up until we got to Cologne for the first night of the tour. Kristin was supposed to fly in for that night and go with us to Paris. All the progress I thought I’d made fell away when we got off the bus at the hotel and she wasn’t there waiting for me. I checked my texts and twitter hoping that she’d send a “good luck” or something, but knew that was unrealistic. Still hoped.

When we came off stage after sound check Lindsey was there. She hugged and kissed Jay then came after me. And I mean came after me. She got in a few good hits before Jay pulled her away, “You fucking little bastard.”

I was sad and fine with her trying to beat the shit out of me. Then the hurt would at least connect to something physical. “Is she alright?”

She pointed and screamed at me, “Of course she’s not. And don’t you ever ask again. You have no right.”

I nodded, “You’re right. I don’t.” 

Max caught up to me in catering, “Do what you need to do to let it go, Nath. This is the first night of our world tour. You need to be here for this. We’re going to remember this night for the rest of our lives.” 

He was right. I got myself together while I ate. Back in the dressing room we finished getting ready. Lindsey, Kelsey, and Nareesha had gone out to find their place for the show. We kicked the band and crew out so we could have time with just the five of us. We remembered how we started, laughing at the good times and the set backs. No matter what, tonight was an amazing night. It was a mark of how far we’d come and we wanted it to be a new beginning for the work we had left to do. It was both our end and our beginning. We wound up hugging and laughing through tears in the five minutes before we were to hit the stage. 

A set list with a large proportion of songs we’d written was an amazing feeling. Each of them meant something to each of us. Fights we’d had, loves we’d lost, and dreams we’d shared. While I’d written “Show Me Love” for a different girl and a different situation the feeling of loss written in the words was very difficult for me tonight. I pulled from the pain I felt and it was the best performance of the song ever. My sadness gave way to incredible pride and this was the best night ever. 

We’d made a pact not to get drunk on nights before gigs. It was too important, and besides we had plenty of off days scheduled in. So while we went out to celebrate, we didn’t get out of control. Everyone was on the bus by one and we were off to Paris.

Max came to me after the gig in Paris, “You alright?”

I nodded, “We had plans for tonight. I miss her.” I was scrolling through my twitter feed when I saw her screen name. 

I went numb and couldn’t focus my eyes to read for a few seconds.

@NPG0909: “@ParisTW: @NathanTheWanted got sad tonight. That whore broke his heart.” No, I didn’t. He ended it. IF he’s sad it’s his fault.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I screamed. “I’ve kept this off twitter and out of interviews and she’s going to do this?” The others had come over when I screamed and they passed my phone around.

Siva shrugged, “She’s mad, Nath.”

“Well, now so the hell am I.” I grabbed my phone and started typing my reply. Max yanked my phone out of my hand, “What . . . what are you doing?”

His thumb was hitting the delete key, “I’m deleting so you don’t make it worse. She’s hurt and pissed and has nothing to lose. You need to stop.”

“I need to stop?” I was yelling again, “She needed to stop.” I tried to grab for my phone and he put it out of my reach.

Max looked at Kelsey and Nareesha, “Would one of you silent women at least nod to let him know I’m right?”

They looked at each other then me, “He’s right.”

I went for my phone again. Jay batted my hand away, “Do you want her to tell them you fucked her, got out of bed, broke up with her, then left the country.”

“That’s not what happened.” 

“Close enough!” Jay was yelling now too. “Don’t do this on twitter.”

“I’d do it by phone, but she won’t answer my calls.”

Kelsey looked at the ceiling and yelled, “I wouldn’t either.”

I snatched Max’s phone and took off for the bathroom. He got his foot in the door before I could close it, but I leaned hard on the door. She answered on the second ring, “If I’m sad? If, Kristin? How dare you take this public?”

Her voice hit me hard, “How dare I? Everybody knows. They call me a whore for sleeping with a popstar. Now I’m famous for being the one who broke Nathan Syke’s heart. Your minions are twice as horrible as when we were together. I didn’t want this, you did. You did this. They hate me because you’re sad. They blame me and say horrible things. And you say nothing! Nothing. You asked me to get on twitter to support you and you leave me alone with this. I fucking hate you, Nathan!” 

Max shoved the door hard and ripped his phone from my hand, “Don’t you ever fucking use me to get to her again. You arse!” He put the phone up to his face, “I’m so sorry, Kristin. He grabbed my phone and hid in the bathroom like a fucking child!” He paused and I couldn’t hear what she said. “I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel.” 

I followed him into the main room, “You’ve talked to her?”

“Yes, I’ve talked to her. We don’t talk about you. She doesn’t want to put me in the middle the way you just did.” He was throwing punches in the air, “You can decimate your relationship with her, but would please leave mine alone.” He got in my face, “I have been supportive and tried to understand all this because I see that you are hurting, but she’s right, you did this to yourself. That girl did nothing but love you and you left her in a hotel in Los Angeles and fled the country. That was cowardly and cruel and she deserved so much more than that.”

I started to say something then closed my mouth. He was right.


	4. Chapter 4

~*~Kristin~*~

In the morning I headed to work and Lindsey headed home. She’d be back on Friday and we planned on partying all weekend. Distraction was key to making it through the first weeks of a breakup. I had to hold it together and get to work. I wanted to stay home and bury myself in bed with a vat of ice cream. However, if I did that all my party dresses would be too uncomfortable for next weekend. Can’t have that. 

Come lunch time I was proud of myself. It had been a good morning. Good classes. I pulled out my lunch and started grading papers. A few bites in and I couldn’t eat. I missed him. I closed my eyes and gave myself a few minutes to be miserable. I was used to missing him, but this was different. Normally I knew when I’d see him again. Or at least that I would. I made a gagging noise at my own melodramatic thoughts. They say you start to take on the characteristics of the age group you work with. So, I was going to act like a teenage girl going through a breakup. Surely I needed more ice cream then. I was laughing (sure sign of insanity) when Drea came through my door.

“Is it true?” 

I looked over, “Is what true?”

“You and Nathan broke up. He tweeted that he was single again.”

Really? He tweeted that we’d broken up. Lovely. I took a breath, “Yea, we broke up.”

She put her hand over her heart, “Oh no, I’m sorry.”

“It happens.” I shrugged, “Hey, can you not…”

She interrupted me, “I’d never put anything online. You . . . I just wouldn’t.” Next thing I knew she was hugging me. “I’m sorry. I’m sure there’s nothing I can do, but if there’s anything I can do just say it.”

I smiled, “Thanks, Drea.” She left and I pulled out my phone and opened Twitter. 

@NathanTheWanted: Single again

What an asshole. What a complete and total fucking asshole. Why on earth would he post that on twitter less than twenty four hours later? Oh, because he really did mean it. He really was gone for good. This wasn’t some weird bad dream or that he was momentarily insane. He made it public because he really meant it and wanted his fans to know I was gone. Just that easy. I couldn’t breathe. 

Luckily my panic attack was interrupted by the bell and my next period students. I blocked out that little asshole and did my job. I really deserved that ice cream now and picked some up on the way home. White chocolate chip. Yummy. Even yummier if you pour some Kahlua over it. I changed into my pajama’s and opened Twitter. I don’t know why I did that. I was pretty immune to the hatred his fans would send to me. It was ridiculous ranting of little girls who didn’t know me, him, or what they were saying. They didn’t connect that their words could hurt people or were even real. Something about the internet gave people the freedom to say things they’d never say face to face. I pretty much just laughed it off. I worked with teenagers and saw daily the drama they created. Twitter was just like that. Comments bothered Nathan. I laughed thinking how obvious that was now. 

I was neither shocked nor surprised to by the mix of comments. Over the last year his fans had stayed pretty consistent in their mix of hatred and love for me. Good to see that wasn’t changing. Some were sad, some were indifferent, some expected it, and some were dancing on the fresh grave of our relationship. My favorites had to be the ones who were mad at me. I went over to Nathan’s timeline and he’d not responded to anyone. Relief washed over me. I guess I didn’t want to see what he had to say.

Lindsey had seen it too and we talked for a few minutes. I bounced from sad to angry again. Or still. She stayed on the phone with me until I talked myself back around to being semi-alright then we said goodnight. I’d just crawled into bed when my phone went off with Max’s ringtone. This was unexpected. I considered not answering, but decided against it, “Hey Max.”

“Hey gorgeous, how are you?”

I laughed a little, “Well, I’ve had better days.” Hearing the accent made me sad and I sniffed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” I could picture him shaking his head and running his hand over his bald head.

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be in the middle of this.”

“Ha ha, isn’t that typical Kristin.”

I knew he was referring to very early when I didn’t tell Nathan what had said to me in catering, warning me. “You guys work together and were friends long before me and will be long after. Just didn’t expect that to be now.”

“Me either. I’m sad.”

“Me too.”

“Him being a dick doesn’t mean we can’t talk does it?”

“No.” I jumped at the answer. “I hope not. I just don’t want to put you in the middle, or for me to be an issue with you guys. We can talk, we just can’t talk about him.” I wiped at my nose and eyes.

“You’ve got someone to talk to about him, right?”

“Yes, Lindsey was here when I got home and she’ll be here this weekend. Lots of friends here. Thank you, Max.”

“No problem, love. I’ve been worried about you and wanted to know you’re ok. Not ok, but fuck, you know what I mean. I didn’t want you to think I was walking away.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.”

“I’m sure that’s nothing new right now, so go ahead. I’m sure no one will notice the difference.”

“You’re an ass.” I started laughing. “Thank you.”

“I’ll talk to you later and if you need anything you call me.”

The weekend with Lindsey was perfect. It had the perfect combination of laughter, drunken escapades, and tears. We went on twitter and found the meanest tweets to me we could find and laughed at them. It was horrible and we joked that it was good I was drunk. She brought a Paper Voodoo tablet and we spent the night drawing pins on Nathan. That was probably more fun than it should have been. It gave way to a nice little cry. Going out with friends was fun. Over the week I’d talked to enough of them that they knew what had happened. They didn’t talk about him and we started making new memories. One of the hidden positives of having a long distance popstar boyfriend was that I didn’t loss contact with my friends. I didn’t spend every weekend with him, so it wasn’t like some break ups where you have to make friends with your friends again. I’d never stopped hanging out with them. We just picked up where we’d left off two weeks ago. I got hit on, but I wanted nothing to do with that. Too soon. Still it was nice to be wanted by someone. 

Right before Lindsey left we sat and talked. We were both to go over for the first night of their world tour. Needless to say I wasn’t. She offered to come back here and not go, but I wanted her to go. Nathan and I didn’t have anything to do with her and Jay. They still weren’t anything more than friends with benefits and there was no reason she shouldn’t go over and have fun. If she could get in a punch to Nathan’s face that would be ok too. We talked about him some, about us. Not as emotional this time. No vomiting. I counted that as progress. I was still a mess of confused, hurt, sad, and angry. We agreed that was ok.

Wednesday Nathan called. My heart stopped at the sound of his ringtone. I was still at work, which gave me the perfect out. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to him anyway. I hit ignore. He didn’t call back. 

Things were good until the next weekend. I was supposed to be with him. That bought on a new wave of everything all over again. Late Friday night I went on Tumblr and Twitter to find out how the first night went. All reports were that the new show was amazing and the boys were on fire. I was angry that I was missing this. Angry until I saw the first picture of him. He was on stage belting out a note, his face contorted with the strength of it. Anger turned to sad and I ran my fingers over the screen, over him. 

I’d done so good all week not breaking down and sobbing. Even when he called and didn’t leave a message or call back I’d held it together. Saturday was too much. He was in Paris without me. We were going to walk around Paris at night and kiss under the Champs-Elysées and Eiffel Tower. Disgusting romantic things that I was so looking forward to. But no, he’d ended us and I was in Atlanta while he was in Paris. I went on twitter again to see. I wanted to kick myself for doing this even as I did it. Seeing him wasn’t going to help, but I couldn’t stop. Tonight was different. Instead of glorious tales of excited boys the focus was on Nathan being sad. Tweet after tweet and picture after picture. Pictures are deceiving because you never know if the emotion is real or the picture just captured a moment. In this case it made little difference as the fans jumped on him being sad. And jumped on me as the cause. 

While I’d blown off the hateful tweets or just not looked, tonight they hurt. I missed him and I wanted to be with him. These girls were calling me whore and wishing me dead and all sorts of things. All week long I’d seen this. All week long how they loved him, how he seemed happy, and that he seemed fine without me. He never commented. He never said a word. Tonight he seemed sad and they immediately jumped on me. Still he didn’t say a word. I snapped.

NPG0909: “@NathanTheWanted got sad tonight. That whore broke his heart.” No, I didn’t. He ended it. IF he’s sad it’s his fault.

Of course, that didn’t help. It only made it worse. Now I’d invited them to call me names and blame me and spew every ugly thing they’d ever thought. I shut down the app and let myself cry. 

I practically dove for the phone when I heard Max’s ringtone. Only it wasn’t Max. I knew the voice too well. Nathan was screaming at me, “If I’m sad? If, Kristin? How dare you take this public?”

Too much. It was too much and I fired back. “How dare I? Everybody knows. They call me a whore for sleeping with a popstar. Now I’m famous for being the one who broke Nathan Syke’s heart. Your minions are twice as horrible as when we were together. I didn’t want this, you did. You did this. They hate me because you’re sad. They blame me and say horrible things. And you say nothing! Nothing. You asked me to get on twitter to support you and you leave me alone with this. I fucking hate you, Nathan!” 

I heard a bang then Max’s voice, “Don’t you ever fucking use me to get to her again. You arse!” Then clearer, “I’m so sorry, Kristin. He grabbed my phone and hid in the bathroom like a fucking child!” 

“I didn’t do this!” That was all I could say.

“I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel.” 

I was still crying when he called back, “I know, I know that I shouldn’t have. I was supposed to be in Paris and instead I’m here and they’re blaming me because he’s sad. Well, fuck them, I’m sad too. Don’t be mad at me. I can’t take any more tonight, Max.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m not mad at you. We’ve all gone off on twitter. Sometimes it just gets too much at the wrong time.” The tone of his voice was soothing, he wasn’t mad.

“Thank you.” I took a sobbing breath.

“I hate that you’re crying.”

I laughed, “I do too.”

“I want you to promise me something. Promise me you won’t go on twitter again, at least not into your mentions.”

“I promise.” I sniffed and got myself under control. “I’m sorry to pull you into the middle of this.

He laughed now, “You didn’t. That little phone stealing twat did.”


	5. Chapter 5

~*~Nathan~*~

I quit counting days without her. We’re in Huntington, New York for the first night of our tour in America. Exactly twenty nine days until we play Atlanta. 

It’s sixty four days without her.

 

~*~Kristin~*~

I’m excited! Tonight will be fun. The type of fun I haven’t had in over two months. When Ed called and invited me out to dinner before the gig I jumped at it. I missed the excitement of shows. I knew it wouldn’t be the same, but it would be good. Spotting the big ginger in a restaurant wasn’t hard. When he spotted me he jumped up and hugged me, “You look gorgeous as ever. Complete stunner. My mate is obviously an enormous twat to let you go.”

I laughed in his arms then kissed his cheek, “You have no idea how I needed that.”

“Best to get the awkward out of the way so we can enjoy dinner. How are you doing, moving on and all?” He pulled out my chair and sat across from me, “If it’s alright to ask?”

“Too late for that, Ed.” The waitress appeared and we both ordered beers. “It’s not been fun, but I’m managing.” He looked like he was waiting for me, so I went on, “Nothing serious, but I’ve been going out.”

He made a face and shook his head, “So no chance of fixing what got broke?”

“It’s been over two months now.” Our beers came and we took a moment to drink, “And I really don’t know what there is to fix.”

“Alright then, if you fancy any of me mates tonight you let me know and I’ll hook you up. His loss is someone else’s lucky night.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

“Oi, what is this?” I turned the laptop around for Max to see.

He looked up and squinted his eyes, “Picture of Andy Brown, Ed Sheeran, Scooter Braun, and . . . um, Kristin Davenport. Tour must have gone through Atlanta. I’m jealous. Lawson and Sheeran, great pairing.” He looked back at what he was doing.

Kristin was between Andy and Ed. Everyone’s arms around each other and they’re all laughing. She looks . . . happy. “Is she dating one of them?”

Jay laughed, “They’re all too old. She likes ‘em young.”

I glared at him. This wasn’t funny. She was out having a grand time with friends she’d met through me. I rubbed at my chest and took a deep breath. I hadn’t expected to see her. She looked beautiful. I closed my eyes and could feel her hair slipping through my fingers, the softness of her skin, and the feel of her lips. Seeing her happy and with them touching her was horrible. Ed and Andy were touching her. There’d been hugging. She’d let them hug her. They’d held her in their arms. I tried to think back when we’d met Ed in Arizona, had she kissed him? I bet Andy had kissed her when they met. Bastard. I clicked a link and found more pictures from the gig and the after party. Ha! There it was. Her and Ed hugging and holding each other while they talked. Smiling at each other. Andy kissing her cheek. The others touching her too. I looked at Max again, “Is she dating?”

He sat down his phone and leaned back, “She’s not dating any of them. Nath, you need to get your jealousy under control.”

Tom and Kelsey came into the room, “What’s Nath jealous of?”

Max pointed to the laptop. Kelsey clapped, “Oh, I’m jealous. Ed and Lawson.”

Tom smirked, “She looks fit.”

“I noticed.”

Kelsey looked at me, “You really don’t get be jealous, Nath.”

I knew that. I was all too painfully aware that I’d done this to myself. I didn’t think I’d see her again. I didn’t consider how it would hurt to see her, especially to see her happy and with men touching her. I know that I have no right, but they aren’t allowed to touch her. 

 

~*~Kristin~*~

“Hello, gorgeous!” Max’s accent was music to my ears.

“I have a huge favor to ask you.” 

“Anything.”

“When Nathan was at school he met a student, had you all sign a bunch of stuff for her.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, the stalker volleyball team. I remember.”

“He promised her that when you all were here she’d meet all of you. Can you do that for me?” I’d hoped that Nathan would contact Drea and set it up.

“Of course, love. Are you coming?”

He and I had talked about that. I’d said I’d think about it. I’d meet up with him and any of the others after, but I couldn’t go to the gig. “I don’t think so. I’ll get them there, but I don’t think I can.” I chewed on the side of my thumb. 

“Either way I’ll see you after. Text me the girls' names so I can put them on the list and I’ll put you there too, just in case. You let me know when you’re here and I’ll fetch them.”

“You’re the best, Max.” 

“That I am.” He paused, “Kristin, I understand if you can’t, but I wish you’d see the gig. So proud of it. You could stay in the crowd, not come backstage, but see us. Promise you’ll reconsider.”

“I promise.” I hadn’t cried over Nathan in weeks. Tonight I did.

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I’m sick. Not really sick, but metaphorically. We’re on the bus on the way to Atlanta. I’ve never wanted to jump off a bus so much in my entire life. Ninety three days ago I called Atlanta home. Now I want to jump off the bus before we get there. The only good thing is now I’m twenty one and can drink legally. I’ll be doing that. 

Everyone was sitting around the front of the bus when I woke up. I made myself a cuppa then sat down, “Do you think she’ll come to the gig?”

Jay didn’t even look up, “Why would she do that?”

I didn’t say it, but I thought that she might want to see me. Stupid, stupid, Nathan. Everyone went back to what they were doing. I drank my tea. “Should I call her? Since we’re in Atlanta.” Jay, Max, Siva, Tom, Nareesha, and Kelsey all looked at me like I’d lost my mind. 

“I should call her.” I pulled my phone out.

Tom snatched it out of my hand, “No, you shouldn’t call her. What the hell are you thinking?”

“It’s been three months . . .” interrupted.

“Yes, it’s been three months since you left her in a hotel in Los Angeles. Why would you think she’d want to hear from you now? Just because you’re in Atlanta? I bet she’s fucking wishing she was anywhere else.” Kelsey put her hand on his arm and said his name. He pulled away, “I’ve kept my mouth shut. Your business, but to think it would be alright to call her. Do you really not understand what you did? Are you that thick or that much of a cunt?”

I was shocked by his anger, “I wanted all the attention back on the music.”

“No issue with the reason why, but how you did it was unforgivable. You don’t treat the woman you love like that. Even in the middle of ending it you respect the person, the relationship enough to hear the other person out. It’s hard, but you do it. You both say your piece and you go your separate ways. You didn’t let her talk. So why in the fuck do you think she’d have anything to say to you now?” He shook his head looking at me, “You brought up me and Kels. I respected her enough to go to her and not just fuck around. We came out stronger. I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror, mate, really I don’t.”

Now no one was looking at me. That meant they agreed. And just like when Max had called me cruel, I agreed too. I left my cuppa and went back to my bunk. 

Backstage at the arena Max yelled for me, “You’ve got guests.”

I came out of the bathroom, “Who?” I saw my stalker volleyball team and smiled, “Hey it’s Drea and Beth and Angel.” I hugged them each, “Oh shit, I totally forgot.”

Drea laughed, “It’s alright, Ms. Davenport worked it out with Max.”

Mention of her was like a knife in my stomach, “Is she here?”

“No, she handed us off to Max.” 

I looked at Beth, knowing Max was her favorite, “That worked just fine for you didn’t it?” I squeezed Drea closer when she laughed.

Max wrapped his arm around a very red Beth, “I’m flattered.”

Jay looked at Angel, “And who should you be handed off to?”

She rolled her eyes, “You.”

“Excellent.”

We took them to catering and amused them while we ate. Max had set them up in a box up a level on the side and Kevin took them on out. “Nath, I need to tell you something.”

Max had that look he got when he’d done something. “What have you done?”

“I didn’t do anything. Kristin’s here. She’s not coming backstage, but she’s with the girls in the box. I didn’t want you hitting stage and shitting your pants.”

My heart dropped to the floor, “Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I am warning you. Last night she wasn’t coming, but she changed her mind. If you don’t want to see her, don’t look up to the left.”

He’d just guaranteed that up and to the left was the first place I’d look.


	6. Chapter 6

~*~Nathan~*~

I walked up the steps rear of stage and headed right as I was supposed to. I was to face right and look out over the crowd. One out of two isn’t bad. I faced right, but looked left. Up and to the left to be exact. I saw her immediately. I’d find her anywhere in any size crowd. I was eternally grateful that I didn’t have to sing for a bit. Some songs were harder than others tonight and I knew twitter would be alive with tales of me being sad again and pictures of the proof. I didn’t care. I’d not seen her in ninety four days and tonight all I saw was her. I watched her sing and dance along with the girls throughout the show. Her eyes never met mine. 

Backstage I grabbed a beer, “I need to get drunk. Who’s with me?”

“Ah, about that, mate.”

I sighed, “You’re going out with Kristin, aren’t you?” 

Max nodded, “Only chance we’ll have to hang out.”

“Yeah.” I understood, but I didn’t like it.

Jay put his arm around me, “Didn’t know she’d be at the show. Has to be hard. I’ll stay and hang out with you.”

“No, you go. I doubt I’d be very good company anyway.”

Tom cocked his head to the side with a shrug, “You did this to yourself.”

Not the time for this, “I realize that, Tom. I’m gutted from seeing her, could you possibly not be a dick for a few hours.”

Siva snickered, “Unlikely.”

I grabbed my backpack and headed toward the door, “Have fun and tell her she looked beautiful tonight.”

If I’m honest I’m hurt that they’re going out partying with my ex-girlfriend. Had she not been at the show it would have been bad enough, but her being there and not even looking at me was horrid. Then again, Tom is right, I brought this on myself. They see me every day and they’ve not seen her in ninety four days either. They’ll be with her for a few hours. Not that any of them are particularly sympathetic to how I might be feeling. Which I understand because I did bring this on myself. Hell, now I’m not even very sympathetic to myself. 

@NathanTheWanted: massive mistake

 

~*~Kristin~*~

Max elbowed Tom and Jay and showed them his phone. Tom snorted, “About time.”

“What?” I tried to look and Max put his phone away.

“Nothing, dirty picture.”

We were all in the van headed out to a club nearby. Even though seeing Nathan had been horrible I was glad I’d gone to the gig. I missed them all so much. I missed the energy and the music and their antics. Most of all tonight I missed Nathan. He looked so handsome as he came onto stage in his jeans and tight black t-shirt. I’d watched him all night, but managed to avoid eye contact. I wouldn’t have been able to stand that. He wasn’t mine anymore. For all I knew he was someone else’s. I didn’t go on twitter or tumblr anymore. Every time I did it was like ripping a scab off a freshly healed wound. I relied on Lindsey to send me anything fun. 

Max put his arm around me and pulled me close, “How you doing, gorgeous?” I nodded and he kissed my head, “Rough bit over, now on to a messy night.”

I’d texted my friends and they met us at Velocity. I’d reserved VIP tables for us. This was the hottest spot in town right now. We walked straight in and found my friends. Eric grabbed me immediately, “You ok?”

I hugged him and nodded into his shoulder, “Glad that part’s over.”

The rest of the night was better than I remembered. Kelsey, Nareesha, and I hit the floor and danced until we could barely stand. Max, Jay, and I did so many shots we lost count. Siva kept them coming. My friends that had blended so well with Nathan were just as at home with the others and I was happier than I’d been in months. I knew tomorrow would be hard, but tonight we owned the night.

I woke up in the morning in my bed between Max and Jay. I was curled up against Max and Jay was pressed tight to my back. I snickered, “Living so many girl’s dreams right now.”

Max kissed my head, “Except for the bit where we’ve all still got on pants.”

“We can fix that.” Jay pushed his hips into my ass. 

Tom and Kelsey climbed into the bed, “Are we having an orgy?”

“Where are Siva and Nareesha?”

“Went back to the hotel. Just the five of us.”

Kelsey cuddled up to Jay, “Perfect number for an orgy.”

“Anyone else curious how she knows that?”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I drank until I passed out last night. Before that I did the super depressing looking through pictures and reminiscing. Thought a lot about everything. 

For a change I was the first one on the bus. Where they fuck where they?

Almost an hour later the rest of them showed up, “How was your night?”

Max fell onto the bench at the table and laid his head down, “Top night. Met up with her friends at some club.”

Something I hadn’t considered crossed my mind, “Did she have a date? She didn’t have someone at the gig with her.”

Kelsey screwed up her face, “That would be bad form. Be like rubbing your face in it and using the poor bloke to get at the ex.”

“There was a bloke, but she left with us.”

“Not your concern, Nath.” Tom pulled Kelsey into his lap, tickling her, both of them laughing.

“I want her back.” I said it so quietly I barely heard it.

Everyone went quiet. Jay squinted at me, “What did you just say.”

“I want her back.” Louder and with more determination this time.

Max lifted his head, “Did you miss the part where she screamed that she hated you?”

I shook my head, “No, but she was angry. She didn’t mean it.” I looked at Max because he’d talked to her more than the others. “Do you think I can get her back?”

“No.”

I wasn’t prepared for that and I startled, “Why not?”

He sighed, “I don’t think you’ll stick with it long enough.”

“What do you mean?”

Tom chuckled, “You’ve said in interview after interview that you don’t fight for girls. If you want her back you’re in for a fight.”

Jay took over, “You’re not patient and you’ll have to be patient and keep trying when she won’t talk to you.”

“And after you man up about what a dick you were you’ll have to let her be angry and take it.” That from Kelsey. 

I felt myself going pale and loosing feeling in my arms, “You’re not giving me a lot of hope here.”

Max shook his head, “Not about hope, it’s about patience and perseverance.”

Siva put his hand on my shoulder, “Groveling and begging wouldn’t hurt.”

Nareesha smiled, “And lots of flowers.”

I nodded slowly and thought about what they’d said. Despite the less than hopeful picture they painted, they’d all told me what to do and what to expect if I tried to get her back. Not if. When. What to do when I tried to get her back. “Hey, did any of you tell her what I’d said? That she looked beautiful.”

Max didn’t lift his head this time, “If you want her to know you tell her.”

I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

To Kristin: You looked beautiful last night.


	7. Chapter 7

~*~Kristin~*~

After the boys and Kelsey left I got ready and headed to work. Yesterday I’d decided to just go in late. Today I wished I’d taken the day off. Seeing Nathan had stirred up everything that had settled down. I flip flopped with hurt and anger and longing. Being at work kept me occupied, so it turned out to be a good decision to come in.

At lunch I called Lindsey and went over the night with her. “Enough with the details, how are you doing?”

“I’m a little shakey. Seeing him was tough. He looked incredible and was amazing. I’ve been all over the place today, but I’m ok.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with me this weekend?” She was flying to Florida for a weekend full of shows.

I shook my head as I spoke, “No. I couldn’t avoid him for that long. I couldn’t even meet his eyes last night. Not there yet.”

This break up was strange in that the only thing I was mad at him about what how he did it. It made it difficult to let go and get over. My memories of us were good and that made me sad, made me miss him. The way he ended it still made no sense and left me hurt, confused, and angry. While all those things were still there now, they weren’t as vivid.

Here’s the good that came out of this. Before him I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. With him I learned, or remembered, how it felt to be part of a couple. What it was like to have that friendship and love. I liked it. I wanted that again.

After work I went home and crashed. I woke to half a dozen text messages. Lindsey checking in, friends making plans for the weekend, request for a date, and one sent yesterday morning:

From Nathan: You looked beautiful last night.

Um? Is it possible for your heart to race and stop at the same time? Not a word from him in over three months. He sees me and texts me. Well, I had shown up at his concert without warning and didn’t look at or speak to him. I guess we’re even.

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Kristin didn’t respond to my text. I didn’t expect her to. However, as expected fans had noticed I kept looking up and left and took pictures in that direction. It was clearly Kristin. Two things came of this. I had some new pictures of her to look at and twitter got stirred up again. I cringed as I read her mentions and hoped she didn’t. I doubted she did as the last thing she’d tweeted was that if I was sad it was my fault and that was over two months ago. That didn’t stop some hateful little monsters from being horrible.

@NathanTheWanted: I see what you’re saying. Stop it! You’re being mean and hateful.  
@MaxTheWanted: There as MY guest.  
@NathanTheWanted: Irrelevant, @MaxTheWanted. This is ridiculous and uncalled for no matter who she was there with.  
@MaxTheWanted: Agreed. Still, take it up with me for inviting her. #BringItOn

I knew better, but I still hoped Kristin would come for the weekend with Lindsey. Lindsey didn’t try to hit me this time, but she was still distant and cold. I can understand that.

I’d sent the first text Thursday morning. Now it was Saturday morning. I laid in bed scrolling through twitter mindlessly. I dropped in to thank them for stopping the ugliness. It was still going on, but at least it was being kept private. 

Ater too much thought I sent her another text.

To Kristin: Glad you came to the show

We partied like rock stars Saturday night. We found a beach bar and it’s a major miracle that no one drowned in the ocean. We had breakfast set up before we loaded the bus to move on and we rolled into the room in singles or pairs. I was leaning over my plate with a crushing headache when Lindsey sat down across from me. I’m sure I looked defeated after looking up to see it was her. That she sat there was not a good sign. I think I prefered her ignoring me.

“She doesn’t get on twitter anymore.”

I stopped mid bite and met her eyes, setting my fork down for the duration of this conversation. “I didn’t think so.”

“So she won’t see your and Max’s efforts at stopping the rabid fangirls.” She paused and turned her head to the side, “Or your “massive mistake” tweet.”

“She doesn’t have too, it’s just true, and telling them to stop was the right thing to do.”

“Are you wanting me to tell her?”

Now I was annoyed, but tried to keep that out of my voice, “No. I don’t want you in the middle any more than Max. I fucked up and it’s mine to fix. Not your lots responsibility to deliver messages.”

She raised her eyebrows and leaned back then back in, “And are you wanting to fix what you fucked up?”

I thought for certain she’d know about the texts, “I’m trying. I’ve texted her.”

By the look on her face, she didn’t know. “Did she answer?”

“No, but I didn’t expect her too. Hopefully she will in time.”

“One question.”

“What?” This was sure to be less than fun.

“No, you can ask me one question.”

Oh. There was only one thing I needed to know for sure. “She screamed at me “I hate you, Nathan.” Does she really? Hate me?” I held my breath.

Lindsey frowned like she was considering not answering. Come on! She told me I could ask one question. “No, Nathan, she doesn’t hate you.”

I’d hoped for a little more, but that would have to do. “Good. Then I have a chance to make it right.” 

This is the best I’ve felt in ninety seven days.

 

~*~Kristin~*~

I saw Nathan’s second text immediately. What am I supposed to say to that? I’d be at them all, but you broke up with me? I’m not naïve enough to not know that when the ex-boyfriend starts texting he’s wanting to see if he can come back. At the very least wanting to “be friends.” I was still mulling that over when Lindsey called.

“Were you going to tell me Nathan is texting you?”

I laughed, “Yes, but I wanted you to go and have a good time without feeling like you needed to hit him.”

“Aww, that’s sweet of you.”

“How do you know he’s texted? Wait, did he pump you for information?” That pissed me off.

“No, nothing like that. I think he thought I already knew. He wants you back.”

I sighed, “Yeah, I figured.”

“And?”

“Does it make me the biggest bitch on the planet if I say he’s going to have to put himself out there a little more than “you looked beautiful” and “glad you came” for me to impressed by the depth of his emotion?”

She spluttered a laugh, “Oh god, Kristin! He got out of bed, broke up with you, and left the country. I think it’s fair that you expect a little more than that. He’s not exactly giving you a lot to work with.”

Monday during lunch Drea came running into my room, “Look, what just came for you!”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Still no answer. I stared for a very long time at the two messages I’d sent. It occurred to me that I’d risked nothing with either of them. I’d said nothing really. I admit it. I’m scared of putting more out there. She didn’t respond to either of them. What if I say more and she ignores that too? That’s a chance I needed to take. I jumped online and found a gorgeous vase of pink roses, asters, and lilies. It looked like her. She’d love them. I stressed over the card then just said fuck it. “I’m sorry. Please, say anything. I miss you. Nathan”

I’d asked they be delivered between eleven and twelve. That was her planning. I sat at the table in the bus staring at my phone and chewing nervously on my nails. I kept unlocking my phone to check the time. I’d think it had been ten minutes and would find it had only been two. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Max put his hand on my shoulder, “You a’right, Nath?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” This was clearly not the case as immediately thereafter I flailed wildly when my phone went off.

From Kristin: They’re beautiful, Nathan. Thank you.


End file.
